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Reflections from the Past
Reflections from the Past "I'm browned out" I heard our pilot say as we were about 10 feet from the ground. All of a sudden we flew sideways and at that moment I knew we were going to bite itÉhard. The right main landing gear made contact and we rolled 270 degrees, the helicopter hopping as the rotor system destroyed itself. I was strapped in my rear-facing seat located in the main cabin as we rolled (my first thought as we rolled was "Oh shit, it's gonna hurt when my bones break"). I heard a voice over the radio in a panicked voice, "H-1's down" It seemed as if I was in a dream when I heard my dispatch reply back routinely, "copy, H-1's down" "Negative" came the frantic reply, "H-1's down! H-1 is on FIRE!" Then the radio died, a surreal calm came about me as I watched the dust settle, I remember thinking how weird it looked as spotlights from a sheriff's car were turned towards the smoldering hulk of what, just a moment ago was a helicopter. I had known in my own heart, for about three months that a crash was going to happen. I had been working as a Flight Medic, on a Bell BH-222B helicopter for the last seven years. I was a "plank-owner" as they say in the navy; I was there from the beginning of the program, a joint venture between the ambulance company I worked for and a local helicopter company. Air ambulance companies typically do not make tons of money. The majority of our patients had no insurance and even when people did have insurance it did not always pay. Or at least that's what our management told us. There had been a lot of pilot turnover for various reasons, and every time we would hire a new pilot the Helicopter Company would have to spend time and more importantly to them, money. New pilots received the bare minimum time required to "learning" the procedures specific to flying our helicopter. (They already knew how to fly and were commercially rated when they were hired) Training is important as each mission is to a different, sometimes unknown place. This is not corporate airport to airport flying. As I hung there in bewilderment, I quickly gave myself a once over. I could not believe it! I seemed at the moment, to be uninjured. The helicopter was still running, engines screaming. I yelled to the pilot (actually, I screamed my head off) and flight nurse "Are you guys all right" they both yelled back that they were. The pilot finally was able to shut down the engines and I popped out the ditching window. We all walked away, but that event made me look at my life in a completely different way (as the types of things tend to do). For the last 13 years my job was my life. That was my perception - my life revolved around the fact that I was a Paramedic, my wife and two daughters were secondary. The funny thing was, I never saw it that way. I thought I was a great husband and father, but the fact was my family did not come first. I had what I thought was a great schedule; I worked two days on (48 hours) and 5 off. What could be better? The reality was that I spent so much time thinking and being at work that it took away from my time at home. I was blinded by my job; I saved lives! What could be more honorable? I loved having little kids wave to the ambulance as we drove from station to station. And the looks of respect I would get from other EMS personnel while on the helicopter was awesome! I had the job everybody else wanted! It was great to hear my kids brag about what their dad did. What an ego-trip my job was. If you had asked me two years ago I would have never, in a million years told you I would be working in an office. But as I sat in the dirt smoking a cigarette, I finally realized that my ego almost got me killed. I knew our program was not training its pilots well and I knew something was going to happen, it was bound to happen but, my love for my job and all the ego strokes that came with it did not allow me to believe it. It has been almost two years since the crash but to this day I can see it, hear it, and smell it. And not a day goes by that I do not think of it at least once. But a positive did come out of all this. I am in a better-paying, safer job that allows me to be home every night and I have finally realized that it's my family, not my job that is most important to me. The funny thing is that it took the crash to make me realize it. Don't get me wrong, I have some great memories and life experiences that I could never have experienced if it was not for my time in EMS. If I had to do it over again, I would. (Except for the crash) I have a tremendous amount of respect (and always will have) for the men and women who risk their lives every day as cops, medics and firefighters, I will always sleep better at night knowing that there are dedicated individuals who like me, have the desire and drive to help others. Matt Myers can be reached at Myers_Matthew@medicalert.org |
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All contents copyright 1996 - 2005 by Bob Nelson |
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